I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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