I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
