I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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