4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
