Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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