cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
either way he was missing a nipple.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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