I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
