My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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