haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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