apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
