The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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