We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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