i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
