the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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