8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
