Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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