After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You did what with his pubic hair?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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