i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Too much gin, very little bucket
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
we're so committed to being not committed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
