We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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