After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
