Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
