I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
