The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
