So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
