Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
