I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
