Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
