Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
