So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
