Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He better not be in your backpack
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
