Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
