hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
