dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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