There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
