im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
