There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
