she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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