Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
