She's JV to your varsity
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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