Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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