I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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