She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
