Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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