____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
