i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
