Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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