i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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