I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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