I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
