dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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