Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
