everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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