wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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