You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize