? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
