what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
