90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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