it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize