His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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