I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize