i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
