i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This house was built for laser tag.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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