if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
