Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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