so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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