So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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