Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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