i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
