Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
