I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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