Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize